Monday, November 9, 2009

Bangalore Rains...Happy Lethargy


Last time I wrote something like this, I was in Chennai, getting through life with a foul mood, a sad husband, a sadder maid, an almost pathetic office, the dust, the sweat, and the grind. But this time around, rains are making me pensive and happily philosophical…in a very pseudo Greek-scholar kind of way. As always, I’m not sure if my words make any sense. Now how pointless is that!
It’s been raining for the past 48 hours now…a quick pitter patter sometimes, a mad gush at other times, but soft hay needles mostly. After a lazy Saturday lunch comprising the archetypal Bengali khichoori, begun and maach bhaja, nothing much seems wrong with life. As Amitava makes cryptic phone calls to distant clients in places like Lillehammer and Fredrickstad and Londonberry City, I curl up with Eastwords, this absolutely amazing novel by Kalyan Ray. (Note to every reader: If you are looking for the most impressive portrayal of Shakespearean characters, Eastwords is your bet.) In Eastwords, you have an east meets west theme running across the pages like a finely-knit fabric, as a Puck, and a Prospero, a Sycorax and a Caliban, a Sheikh Piru and a Shukumari meet on the same platform, displaying some brilliant cross dressing. But more on the book, later. Back to my weekend interlude of happy lethargy. As I read Ray, there is a hint of a film song, wafting in from somewhere. Maybe it’s the Nepali watchman listening to a tacky Hindi number in his rickety radio. But isn’t that supposed to be strangely melancholic and beautiful? I don’t mean the ‘Dekha hai pehli baar…’bit in particular, but the rain, and the choppy radio transmission, and the dampness…with a sudden glint of sunlight from somewhere?
I must be senile. Or else, why would I be so blatantly confused? The lethargy continues, and to add to it, we have a muri-adda to attend in the evening. Now this is extremely ethnic to lazy Bengalis like me…I don’t expect the whole world to understand. So, as the afternoon gives way to a mauve evening, Amitava and myself, saunter over to this friend’s place, and we have the muri-adda, with shingara, and jilipi, and peyaj-makha muri. If non-Bong readers are wondering what these are, just a note of clarification…these are all extremely cheap but delectable Bengali snacks that any pot-bellied, self-esteemed Bengali would vouch for. At the risk of sounding myopic and parochial, let me say, I loved this muri-adda after a real long time. A welcome break from our usual whiskey and vodka-sloshed weekends. Long live lethargy…long live muri!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So What Do I Write About?


After a real long time, I thought I’d write about something. After all, there are so many changes around me…the workplace…the life…the weather…the people…I know I’ve already mentioned these before.
So what do I write about? My new place? How I have painstakingly decorated it with potted plants, and ethnic lampshades, and Madhubani paintings?
Should I write about how the old man next door has the hots for Varalakshmi aunty down the road? How the neighborhood chick runs around with the neighborhood hunk and makes out frequently? But that would sound so pseudo Shobha De…and I would hate that.
So what do I write about? The saffron and gamboges cushion covers? My new Lemon high heels? Am I turning into a wannabe? Or a ‘me too’ socialite? No…I am just trying to find the right kind of thing to write about.
Maybe I should write about the floods in Karnataka, or the Maoist uprisings across the eastern states, or Australian cricket’s dirty tricks, or RBI increasing interest rates. Am I becoming a pop philosopher? No…I am just trying to find the right kind of thing to write about.
I should probably write about my reality. How I wake up at supernatural hours, supervise the maid, run to get the office transport, sleep all the way to work, with my iPod playing ‘six feet from the edge’ in my ears, work like there is no tomorrow…come back home, supervise the cook….if he is not around, make my own instant noodles, call up Amitava, wherever in the world he is…my life is kind of sad…isn’t it? And who’d want to hear about that?
I’d rather talk about the cucumber green chikankari kurta I bought…and the wonderful party we had last weekend when Amitava was around…the Irish and the Scotch whiskeys we served…the orange-flavored vodka that I gulped down and got brutally abused by Amitava for drinking so fast…the Romanian Chicken I cooked (I’ll send you the recipe Ketchie)…the delicious Black Forest that friends got for us…how I completely, totally, absolutely enjoyed reading Chetan Bhagat’s ‘Two States’, how Dukey, the friendly Basset Hound in the neighborhood is friends with me, and sometimes scares the shit out of me when he stands up on his hind legs…life seems a lot saner this way.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My Realizations This Week...


And they are:
1. The heavens are conspiring against me because I have to entertain the maid at 5 in the morning.
2. Therefore, no matter how hard I try, keeping my eyelids split wide open becomes an impossible dream after 11 at night.
3. I am vaguely in love with cappuccino…I know I have been hit by this realization before.
4. Office ethics is still a nascent culture amongst Indian corporates, no matter where you work.
5. Coming back to an empty home sucks.
6. Pati Patni Aur Woh is the cheapest junk on national television.
7. I have an unfinished Murakami on my bedside table.
8. I might end up working this weekend.
9. I might want to try some Mexican recipe by the end of next week, for Amitava’s homecoming ;).
10. I can actually switch off the bedroom lights and switch them back on to write this crap.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

What the Sky Said...


I am blue…a sad periwinkle…I deal with my sense of being blue, as a muezzin calls out from somewhere in the distance…the squirrels peek into the house from the branch of the pear tree…that girl down there, lying in her bed, is afraid to budge an inch, lest she experiences the cold bed on either side of her warm body. There is a nip in the air, and the girl has carefully tucked herself under a cream bedspread that covers her completely.
I am blue…and it’s five or so in the evening…the road in this quiet neighborhood lies like a dormant cobra…jet black from spurts of rain that it has had since early morning. And now the evening sun plays a game of ducks and drakes all across it…the leaves of the trees aiding the game and forming a tough myrtle canopy.
The girl blinks…and then squints…the sunlight’s got into her eyes…good…she’s finally moving out of her comfort zone. Now she stares at me. ‘Feeling lonely eh?'
‘Yeah I am…as if you care. The muezzin woke me up anyway…it’s not the sun…and by the way, I hate people asking me if I am lonely. It is a downright repulsive question’.
The girl shuts the window on my face, after this tiny interlude. She is going to tie her hair in a tight knot, light incense, make dinner, and wait for the man in the house to come back, tired after a hard day’s work. I know she is lonely, although she hated me asking her that. I watch her humming around the house in her sari…a dull salmon pink…she sings a folk song…much like the reaper.
My periwinkle gives way to black as the clock ticks on…I so completely hate this color. What’s with this black? So very cheerless!!!
- ‘What are you staring at? Yeah, I am lonely, and I am sad. I am aware of this daily ritual…me making coffee, and then dinner…drawing the curtains, switching on the lights, and waiting for him to come home…but I’m not sure if you have noticed…he never comes’.
- ‘Yes I have…I have noticed’.
- ‘Really? That’s a first. So…what do you suggest’?
- ‘Get a life. He is not reality. He’s never going to turn up’.
- ‘Life? Like what? Become something like you and rudely stare at young girls in their beds’?
We laugh. For the first time, I see her smiling. Suddenly, my own blackness stops bothering me anymore.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Updates from Bangalore


I’m back… (Ignore the Schwarzeneggeresque nature of that line)…I’m back after months of frenzied moving and packing, after carefully doggy bagging a detailed life in Chennai. It’s been half a week and I’m still spending most parts of my in-between-job times, cleaning corners and emptying industrial packing boxes.
First things first…never shift after marriage. It’s toxic. It’s plain toxic. I mean previously, you could make do with a bunch of paperbacks, a dinner plate, a spoon, a tumbler, a bottle, a few clothes, a rin-bar, a dove, and some sunscreen. Now it’s two whole lives…that’s right!
But let’s hope the worst is over. The weather here makes me think positive. The man is overseas, attending to some official business. I am setting up the house, appointing a maid, appointing a cook, making friends and acquaintances in the neighborhood, identifying the gorgeous babe, earmarking the casual hunk, and taking note of the over-inquisitive aunties. My real job starts mid-week.
More on Bangalore life later (if I feel like)…ekhon ghoom peyechche…

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What Spice Am I...Whew!


You are Coriander! You're subtle. So subtle that people often forget about you. You are refreshingly clean and rather odd. You're often misunderstood. Your key word is "latent;" all your potential is wrapped up tightly until "BOOM," one day you're cilantro. Funky.


And I thought I was a fat red chilli...roasted hard! What a revelation!

And here come some more stunners:

You scored 50% on intoxication, higher than 12% of your peers.
You scored 0% on hotness, higher than 2% of your peers. (Ah well...)
You scored 50% on complexity, higher than 1% of your peers.You scored 75% on craziness, higher than 55% of your peers. (This I better hide from Amitava)


Go on, take the test yourself:
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/1869168367532779122/Which-Spice-Are-You

Friday, August 28, 2009

FLUX Big Time!!!


And I thought I’d not blog again…at least not till the end of next month...not till I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Life is going through a transformation…hopefully for the better. FLUX is the buzzword. We are changing houses, changing jobs, changing cities…changing lives...well, almost. Whew! More on all of this later.

What forces me to blog today however, is Amitava’s startling desire to make breakfast on a weekday…his startling desire to make breakfast at all…his startling desire to enter the kitchen in the first place. I am too flabbergasted to react…but react I must.

It wasn’t anything extraordinary. But our man made cheese omelets and toast. Now mind you, however mundane and effortless that sounds, for me it’s a distinct sign of better days. Life, as I said, is definitely changing for the better. Hallelujah!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

In Times of Swine Flu


I don’t know if I am being politically incorrect here…but have you ever tried reasoning with a dimwit? Well, I am not sure if this is a meek attempt to achieve the impossible. Coz I have tried logic with a dimwit. And quite pointless to say, I have failed miserably.

What is it about dimwits? What is it about un-reason? What is it about the steady marriage between religion, blind belief, and stupidity? What is it about putting bona fide faith in an ambiguous All Mighty, without doing something about an issue, mortally?

Perhaps it is a coincidence that I am in the South of India; Chennai, to be precise. Situations like the ones I face on a regular basis, I force myself to believe, might have unfolded anywhere else in this country, India being such a sentiment-over-logic place. But however much I want to shake off any prejudices that some of my Tamilian friends accuse me of having, such situations affect my perceptions on South India quite inalterably. What remains are some bitter dregs…perceptions on the average South Indian character…conceited and completely closed to North Indian (whatever that is) suggestions.

Now let’s come to the point. There is an outbreak of Swine Flue in this country (The pigs finally got back to us, after humans spent centuries feasting on honey glazed ham, yummy sausages, and roast suckling pig). India being such an obscenely populated country, it has become a pandemic already. But people who want to save themselves from Swine Flu have their jobs cut out. Fight with dimwits!

Sample the following conversations with dimwits:

Conversation 1:

Human: Hey! I see you have fever, a running nose, cough and cold. You should stay at home and not come to office.

Dimwit 1: Who are you to tell me to stay at home?

Human: Well, just wanted you to exercise some social responsibility. That’s all!

Dimwit 2: I think this Swine Flu thing is much over-hyped. It has been done by the media to promote Tamiflu and encourage people to do tests which cost ten thousand bucks.

Conversation 2:

Human: What are you doing to save yourself from this outbreak?

Dimwit 1: It is the holy month in the Tamil calendar. Nothing is going to happen. Have faith in God.

I give up. For the obvious possibility that I might die of Swine Flu soon, consider this as my last post. Also consider this as an appeal to everyone to weed out dimwits.