This is not supposed to be a depressing post. Not one bit. It’s just that, being light years away from home, makes me dwell upon a few sodding realizations...and sodding as they are, the post seems a bit off.
I always thought I was completely in love with a few specific sounds…extremely distinct. But I suddenly realize, these sounds are not so incredibly phenomenal when they are the only signs of life around me. Here’s what I mean…
I used to adore the sound of cooing pigeons…reminded me of sunny December afternoons in the by lanes of Calcutta, with everybody in the neighbourhood catching a quick nap after lunch. But suddenly, I don’t feel so romantic about the sound anymore. After all, it’s the only thing I can hear, as the wind plays around the turrets of the old London building that I live in.
I used to think, I like the crisp sound of keyboards and the vaguely otiose feeling that comes with it when you are typing something seemingly important. But I realize, it’s really not so great, when the laptop’s all you’ve got as your Hannibal-ish window with a view.
I like…I used to like the sound of distant trundling buses…somewhere down the high street, again on a forty-wink afternoon. But not anymore. Not when that’s the only thing you hear, with no other signs of human life and living. Life here, on most days of the week, reminds me a bit of Schute’s On the Beach, as if the whole place has been nuked, and I am the only one left, with a few banal belongings like a laptop, a toothbrush, Daddy Long Legs, and a picture of Tagore.
I’m not done yet…I used to like the sophisticated whistle of a kettle too, once the water was all boiled up and ready. But I don’t really like it all that much when I’m the only person who is ever going to make the Tetley tea, and drink it with a few raspberry cookies, as the evening falls.
And a few more realizations that just happened…I always thought I was an avid-to-my-butt reader,and a movie buff, and a lot of other impressive things rolled into a warm package. But hey, what a pseudo I have been! I just realize, I cannot watch movies and read books for hours together when these are the only two things I can do. Does this speak volumes about basic human yen? Or am I just a sad exception?
13 years ago
6 comments:
what a beautiful post, honestly. a tad bit sad...but more beautiful for that. And yes, we all go through times like these when we realise "what a pseudo we have been".
well, the post was sad yes, but so amazing... [i wanted to use the word beautiful, but refrained as scribbler had already done so], and on an aside, is it something about our age that makes us sad most of the times. just wondering..
Thanks Scribbler and Ritika...yeah, it must be something about our age...more precisely, our bringing up...isn't it?
I agree...Being a proud homesick puppy spreading gloom and doom, it reminds me of one of my fav quotes,
"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to."
I felt a lot like you when I was alone for the whole day in USA, for 14 months at a stretch. There were hardly any Indian neighbours, and the sound of the breeze or flying geese or sudden rainfall or the door of a car or house being slammed shut were the only sounds for company. There was only my laptop and books from the local library or the TV. I tried new recipes especially those involving baking, cleaning the house (I soon ran out of things to clean !), blogging regularly, watching travel, fashion and cooking shows and n no of other things...
But I soon realised how much I craved human company. I've stopped cribbing about there being too many people anywhere in Kolkata after we came back in Sep. Life taught me a lesson the hard way. Turns out, I'm not as self-sufficient and endlessly resourceful as I'd imagined when solitude becomes a compulsion !
Beautifully put Gargi..thanks for understanding
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