I Must be Brain-dead...Blame it on Food!

Right…I had a tough last week, a tougher weekend, and a completely lousy week still unfolding. Deadlines get more unreasonable, project managers get more Machiavellian, the Chennai pollution gets overloaded with unnecessary nitrogen, the tigers kill more deer in Lanka, Obama bullshits about Bangalore, and finally…my job sucks oh so completely.
So, as a responsible 28 year old, with more than a stable head on my fat shoulders, what do I do about it? I neither crib like you pathetic morons, nor do I get down to ground zero and do something about it. I eat. Couldn’t get simpler.

Sample the following:

1. Symptom:

I have a splitting migraine…I think I am dying.

Cure:

Get a black currant smoothie.

2. Symptom:

My manager just yelled at me…I need to put down my papers at the earliest.

Cure:

Grab a strawberry diet (!!! ???) yogurt.

3. Symptom:

I am so freaking tired…have to cook once back home…why can’t Amitava learn?

Cure:

Get a lemon honey cool (whatever the crap that is).

4. Symptom:

Am I bulimic? Should I see the doctor? Oh gawd!

Cure:

Cheer up…get a sweet and salt soda…best thing in this heat.

5. Symptom:

You know, Ma just called…she is missing me!

Cure:

Wipe off those pointless tears. Have a slice of Domino’s…you know how parents are.

6. Symptom:

Shit….the world is so full of swine flu! And I ate so many of those sausages last week, while watching KKR lose another of those matches!

Cure:

Get real…Mexico to Chennai is really too much of a distance…

7. Symptom:

I want to lose weight…the only truth of my life.

Cure:

Have the Spanish Veg salad…with a dollop of mayonnaise...it's just a dollop, why worry?

8. Symptom:

I can’t fit into the classic blue jeans anymore.

Cure:

Have a pack of French fries…what’s life without food? And yeah, get a size 38 classic blue.

And the list goes on…how could anyone with a socially respectable IQ get so alarmingly frivolous? How could anyone feel that the only way to get on with life is to indulge in binge eating? People who feel they can find a realistic cure to this, please get in touch with me at debanjana.dasgupta@gmail.com